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General Weight Loss Tips

The Rock in My Shoe

IMAG0425 1024x613 The Rock in My Shoe

Oh joy of joys! Our closest Vietnamese restaurant is now serving grilled pork vermicelli! This is heaven in a bowl and I could eat it every single day. Sauce droplets on my shirt or not, this is my top 10 favorite things to eat.

mrbrowncoffee The Rock in My Shoe

Luckily, it’s right next to the Oasis World Market where I can stock up on my own vermicelli and drinks like Mr. Brown’s Macadamia Nut Coffee. I love date night/day! Which consisted of Vietnamese food, Target and Home Depot. Nothing says romance like a trip to Home Depot for stepping stones.

Gah! I used to hate going to Lowes with my dad, now I actually want to go.

diningroom The Rock in My Shoe

I have something else to share, but first…

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the comments on my last post. All of those words, and thoughtfulness are not lost on me. They are encouraging and confirm why I am still writing and sharing my life. We are not alone, is there anything more comforting than someone nodding along  and getting it?

I’m working desperately at letting the negativity roll off my back. Letting my skin firm up a bit. And stop waiting for other people to grant me permission to carry on. Why do I do that? It reminds me of this quote I read yesterday by Susan Satog,”Do stuff. be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration’s shove or society’s kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It’s all about paying attention. attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager.”  I want to be more like that, to take the rock out of my shoe and stop waiting for someone to grant me permission and tell me I’m worth it.

So what does the photo of my dining room table have to do with this? It’s kind of the point.

So often there are things I want to do for myself, little pleasures that I find so satisfying and pleasing, yet I won’t do them. I hear these horrible thoughts on repeat: you don’t deserve to sit and eat at a pretty table, what a waste of time, that seems really silly and insignificant, there are people starving and you are worried about a place setting?, etc. etc. etc.

And these thoughts are so frequent in my head, that I just don’t bother. I’m so consumed with what I assume others with think if I wear red lipstick, or paint my nails with glitter polish, or sit in the rain, or jog down the street, or eat a beautiful meal, or set a nice place setting, that I just don’t do it. And it’s me. No one else, just me. As if, my happiness is insignificant. Or that I don’t deserve to laugh and have a good time or enjoy myself in this short life.

What I know to be true is that by not doing, I’m serving no one. I’m not better to the world by leading a lesser life. To not take these opportunities that I have and my freedom and time, is such a waste. To sacrifice myself in a way that just doesn’t make sense because other people are worse off is helpful to who?

And worst of all, is when I indulge the fear that once I start doing all of these good and happy things, that’s when the bad stuff starts happening. That’s when the sky falls.

The fear that if I start making more money, or creating a healthy body, or live in a neat house…that’s when I will get cancer, or something terrible happens.

I do this in relationships more often than I should ever admit. I will push away as to say “I knew you wouldn’t like me anyway” as a way to prove to myself that I just don’t deserve to have people. I reject them before they can reject me. Before they can see just how flawed I really am. This happens over and over and over.

And the logic behind it is scary sad and backwards. That somehow living a less-than life is better than living my best life to prevent bad things from happening. And as I share this, I know how sad it is. I can feel it in my soul and tell myself, that this belief is so wrong in so many ways. But, to believe it, to feel the truth of what I know to be true enough to live it – that’s another story.

diningroom2 The Rock in My Shoe

So while this may seem silly and material, taking time to make a place setting is a little-big deal to me. When I do these little things, to make effort to look nice, or shave my legs, or plant a bed of flowers…while it may look like this superficial or pointless action to some, at the heart of it for me, it is giving myself permission to enjoy and celebrate my life. To have a little happiness. Because the truth is, when it’s all said and done and I’m taking my last breath, no one will stand over me and thank me for not living my best life.

And that’s what being healthy looks like for me. It’s being self-aware and unapologetic. It’s being kind and giving myself full permission to say “yes I do deserve the effort”. I know that losing weight is calories in and calories out, it’s about eating less and moving more. That part is simple. The hard part is creating a new habit on the path of “I deserve better”. And that’s where my struggle has always nestled so comfortably. That is why I start and stop, try new things, read new books, do new DVDs, in hopes that they will convince me what I already know to be true: I’m worth the effort.

And by doing these other little happy things, like setting a place setting or making a nice dinner, I instill that belief even more. It becomes my reality.

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Categories
General Weight Loss Tips

Birthday Food

I have a secret to share. Are you ready? If it’s your birthday, and you approve of my cooking, there’s a good chance I’ll make you something delcious to eat. Because I love you. Just ask my husband.

For his birthday I put together this easy Vietnamese dish that happens to be one of our restuarant favorites. It’s a good thing I know how to make it because the nearest Vietnamese restaurant is three hours a way.

This dish hits all the important notes, sweet, savory, slightly salty, tangy and a little sour.

Grilled Pork Vermicelli with Nuoc Cham Sauce

This recipe is extremely easy to put together. And I love that because it looks pretty darn impressive. Here’s what you do. Purchase a small roast of pork picnic/shoulder/roast. I’ve bought this cut of meat many times and it’s gross and big. I’ve warned you. I use a sharp knife and slice off the layer of fat from the roast and then I cut thin 1/4 inch slices of meat for marinating.

For the marinate I’ve made this Nuoc Cham Sauce several times without fail. Chopped greens onions are helpful too. Let your pork marinade in half the recipe of Nuoc Cham Sauce for 1-4 hours.

I boil water for vermicelli or angel hair pasta. Once the pasta is cooked rinse it under cold water and portion into bowls.

Grill pork inside on a griddle or outside. This is important, the grill makes it magical.

Chop up a few carrots, peanuts or cashews, ice burg lettuce (this is one dish where ice burg makes all the difference), cilantro or mint, and cucumbers. A wedge of lime and bean sprouts are good too.

Arrange all the ingredients in the bowl and top with more Nuoc Cham Sauce. Sprinkle with peanuts. So, so good!

Please let me know if you make this dish, only so we can talk about how awesome it is.

I wanted to share a couple more things with you.

First, here is a photo Josh took of the cats and rabbit on the bed. I wasn’t in the house when this went down.

Yup two cats and a rabbit on our bed. Nothing strange about that. Apparently the rabbit scared the cats away.

In other news, I’ve been taking one-two days a week off of my “eating better for me” plan to enjoy carbs. It hasn’t hindered my weight loss too much as I’m down 15 lbs. so far. It’s helpful to be flexible, and I’m honestly okay with it as long as I continue to count calories.

And for even more news, I’ve been cleaning out my office because I’ve hired a real live project manager to work with me three days a week in my home office. This is a big deal, as I’ve dreamed of working on projects with another person since I started my business(es) a year ago. It’s scary and exciting to have someone to give work to. I just love that I’m in a place right now to afford health insurance and hire a part time employee. Trying to stay positive, and not negative which is a default of mine when things start going well. I worry about the most insane things when things start going well. Am I alone here?

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