I was reading Caroline’s blog this morning and cracking up over her “it will be christmas again soon” sentiment. January is coming to a close and well, here comes February.
So far this year I find myself every week checking in with my goals. The goals I set at the beginning of the year, and the new goals that develop as the year progresses. I use Sundays as my goal gathering and planning day and find that it helps keep me in check for the following week.
As I look back over the month I see a list of stuff on my calendar that I did do and didn’t do. The first couple of weeks of the year I didn’t exercise much mainly because I was cramming all of my time with extra projects. Each of those days I had on my to do list “do insanity workout” and then finally the last two weeks of the month I did it. I did Insanity every day (with Sundays off). I write this, along with all of my posts, as a reminder to myself that I’m not giving up.
What if I let those first two weeks set the tone for the year? What if I was determined to be perfect, a new person on January 1st? Would I have given up completely on the idea that eventually I’d get into it. And I did.
I’ve said this before, but when I think about why I blog. Why I share my struggles, why after 4.5 years I still come to this place to share where I’m at even if it is sometimes painful and slightly embarrassing…it’s because of my potential. It’s because deep down I trust that each time I try something new, I’m getting closer. Sticking to this one thing, even if at times I truly wasn’t here, or struggling to be here- I knew somehow there was some important growing going on even if it didn’t always feel like.
With that said, I’m just two weeks in. It’s not over, it’s not even close from over. And I have to realize that. That I need more weeks like I’ve had, adding up on each other. There isn’t a stopping point. This is my life now, if I choose to accept it. My life as someone who has to exercise, who has to consider what she is eating. This isn’t a temporary blip, a chapter of my life that ends when I see a reasonable number on the scale. I’m making this my life now.
I’ve gotten to the point where I can honestly say that the desire to be healthy is much stronger than the desire to overeat or not exercise. I’m not saying I’m cured, or perfect, or won’t even overeat again but I’ve never felt that before. I’ve always wanted the easy path. I wanted to still eat everything I wanted, I didn’t want to sacrifice my time. I didn’t want to push myself. Sure I came here, and logged exercise and points or calories. I’ve done that, but I did it in the mindset of “this is temporary, this won’t be my life forever”.
I’ve accepted that this is who I am. Someone who has to watch what she eats, and someone who has to push hard during exercise. This is my life now. I can push myself harder than I thought. I can realistically exercise everyday without getting burned out. I can take time to prepare meals. This isn’t punishment, this is investment.
So as I look ahead to February I see more solid weeks of exercise. More calorie counting. It looks fun and promising. I will eat delicious and whole foods. I will cook as much as possible. I will try new recipes. I will not go to bed without exercising. I will take Sundays off to rest.
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