Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self

I agree with some of the other reviewers in that sometimes I didn’t like Frances. Sometimes she is whiny and self-pitying. Sometimes I wanted to grab her and say “get over it, girl!” But I applaud her for such a raw, open accounting of herself and her journey. Weight loss is hard. Adjusting to the results of weight loss is harder.

I know, because I am in the middle of that journey myself. In the last 18 months I have lost 125 lbs, on my way to losing 175. To those who commented that it seemed like the book was written by two different women (Fat Frances and Thin Frances), I can say that weight loss *can* turn you into a different person inside as well. The way I relate to the world is completely different. My role, as I see it, and as others see it, is completely different. At age 33, that’s going to cause some tension and some problems. I see tension and changes in some of my relationships. I’m trying to keep an eye on them and nurture them through the changes. So far I haven’t lost any of them, but I could see it happening.

To those who said Frances became more selfish… it’s true. I definitely find myself being more selfish. Why? Because I spent most of my childhood and early adulthood desperately trying to make people like me and “overcome” the fact that I was fat. Now it’s time to do some things just for me, and just because I want to do them. Doesn’t mean I’m becoming mean-spirited or self-involved, I’m just beginning to really love and value myself and recognize that sometimes I have to put myself first.

Her story was so compelling to me that it has inspired me to write my own. Might take a while (particularly since the story is not finished yet) but I think this aspect of weight loss desperately needs more attention. As others have said, the “how” of weight loss has been adequately covered, the “what” of weight loss hasn’t. When I talk to friends and acquaintances about my experience, they’re mildly curious about how I eat, but what causes them to really sit up and listen is when I talk about how it has changed (and continues to change) my life. I will probably talk about my struggles with discipline, and sticking to my eating plan amidst personal challenges, and how I was able to successfully make a change in my behaviors this time.

As for the vanity thing, you know what? I didn’t think she was impossibly vain. I completely related to her… for someone who has never been able to shop in a “normal” store, the idea that I could wear Dolce and Gabbana is a total thrill to me too (not that I can afford it!). Someone who has been able to wear all kinds of clothes all of their life can’t possibly understand the thrill of being able to pull a wide variety of styles on and have them 1) fit and 2) flatter. If that’s vain, so be it. Yes, I’m more obsessed with my body as a thin(ner) person now than I ever was as an obese person. I’m harder on it now. But I also appreciate it more now. I appreciate it for what it can *do* even more than how it *looks*. I got that out of Kuffel’s book, too, more than I got “vanity.” I imagine eventually I’ll get over it and clothes will just be clothes again, but right now, they represent freedom!