I gave myself three weeks to get over not eating sugar by allowing myself to eat pretty much what I want in the amount that I wanted. What did I discover? I can still eat a lot of calories even when sugar isn’t involved. But I already knew that and I bet you did too.
What else? white bread + real butter is crack. For real, I love bread with butter, just as much as I love a good brownie- if not more. I think.
So while I love that I’m not eating sugar, not eating it alone won’t tackle this excess weight. And that is kind of the point. I’ve been having serious conversations with myself lately in the form of:
- How am I going to lose this weight?
- What am I willing to sacrifice/change in order to make it happen?
- Am I ready? (thanks to Roni for that one)
- Why is weight my struggle?
- And finally: WHY do I want to lose weight?
A lot of you comment/email me and mention how honest and candid I am, and I really try to keep that in my blog. I try to be as real and as honest with what I’m dealing with as possible (without totally embarrassing myself or my family) and I want to be more of that. Why?
Because I think there is a certain level of denial that goes into being a fat person. There are things I tell myself to make it okay. And why shouldn’t I? I have to function in this world, and to constantly be “woah is me” about my weight can be a waste of time. Besides, who wants to hear it? I’ve realized that few people in life care as much about my weight as I do.
I make an effort in my real life to not put myself down about my weight. I don’t play the “I’m so fat” “I have no willpower” “I’ll never be thin” “I’m off the wagon–again” card with anyone. I used to, in college, but I’m too old for that now. Nor do I praise those who seem to be effortlessly thin.
I say this all to say: denial is a big word. It’s huge, and it means something different to everyone. So I’m asking myself lately to really dig deep:
What am I telling myself to make this lifestyle okay?
How do I justify sabotage?
How do I explain eating four thousand calories in a day?
I don’t have immediate, easy, or uncomplicated answers for these questions. I’m not even sure there is one answer to them. What I do know is this: I sabotage myself out of fear. Fear of greatness. Fear of accomplishment. Fear of what other people will think. Fear that bad things will happen once I lose weight.
Illogical fear, that right now, I cannot explain. Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George says to his therapist :”God would never let me be successful; he’d kill me first. He’d never let me be happy.” Therapist: “I thought you didn’t believe in God?” George: “I do for the bad things.” It’s as crazy as that. For some reason I believe that I’m not worth caring for myself on that level. And as I type this, I know that is very silly and in my case George’s God would be me.
This is what I came up with:
How am I going to lose my excess weight? According to those often debated BMI charts I need to weigh somewhere between 108-145 lbs. The 108 made me laugh. I have no interest in weighing 108 lbs. I haven’t weighed that since I was in 4th grade. This means that I need to lose 160 pounds to be in a normal weight range for my body.
And according to the basal metabolic calculators I need to eat (at my current weight) about 1,700 calories a day with 5-6 days of exercise a week to lose a minimum of two pounds a week. And those are the mathematics of it all. I’ve discussed this here before.
But how do I make this happen? The answer leads me to…
What am I willing to sacrifice/change in order to lose weight? This is a good question and one that I’ve avoided answering for a long time. Making my weight loss a priority rather than an option is one mental shift I need to change. I want to lose weight, that is a given, but I’m not willing to do it by eating foods I don’t love, that is also a given. But what I have to understand and implement in my life is that I don’t need so much food to be a healthy, functioning adult. I don’t have to eat 100 calorie packs of popcorn for lunch to be thin. I don’t have to skip meals, drink diet soda, eat frozen meals or drink meal replacement shakes to lose weight.
But I do have to plan. I do have to be prepared. I do have to compromise and stop believing that I deserve to eat so much food instead of feeling pain. That is something that I need to come to terms with.
My next answer touches on the Am I ready? question. Am I ready to plan my meals out the day before? Am I ready to stop bringing trigger foods into the house? Am I ready to make dinner even if it’s easier to order pizza? Am I ready to take care of myself on days when it’s hard to get out of bed? Am I ready to choose the smaller portion? Am I ready not to give in to any desire to overeat? Am I ready to take the time to count calories? Am I ready to keep a journal? Am I ready to become a healthier person? Am I ready to believe I deserve to become this person? Am I ready to exercise even when I’m tired or too busy?
Up until now…I don’t think I was ready. I know I wasn’t ready, or I’d be there. I would have done this. I wanted it to be easy. I wanted to eat whatever I wanted in the amounts that I wanted and still be thin. I wanted to make few changes if any at all. I wanted to rely on a diet or a program to change me. I wanted to just buy the book, or the exercise dvd or the gym membership. I wanted the results, but I did not want to change my actions the get them.
Why do I want to lose 160+ pounds?
I truly, truly want to know what it’s like not to be fat. Not to feel overweight, not to squeeze my thighs into chairs. I want to know what it feels like to make this happen.
I want to be accepted into a health care plan. Right now, I would be denied and I couldn’t afford it. I’ve tried.
I want to get pregnant and not be fearful. I don’t want to be fat and pregnant. I don’t want to worry about a c-section, or being a high risk pregnancy. I don’t want to be exposed on the table in front of people at this weight. The thought is absolutely terrifying.
I want to be a better wife. My husband deserves a healthy wife- long term. He deserves to not worry about me having a stroke, cancer or heart attack when I’m in my 50’s.
I want to be able to run for three miles without having to stop and walk. Or having my feet go numb.
I want to go to the doctor and not have the weight talk. I want to go to the doctor and not have everything be about my weight. Like the time I had an ingrown toenail and the nurse practitioner was convinced it was because I was pre-diabetic. I wasn’t, I just needed the toenail removed.
So there you have it. I’ll be back tomorrow. It’s time to make this happen…
says:
That was great! I have to say I disagree with the commenter who said sugar isn’t an addiction. I feel like it is. And I think fattening food is, too. But that’s just my own personal experience with food, which I continue to struggle with. I want badly to go sugar free (barring special occasions) but there’s so much sugary stuff left in my house after the holidays, all I can think about is eating it. So I do. Ugh.
says:
Congrats on getting so far with the no sugar! I know what you mean about feeling like you just need more and more, so if you have figured out a way to nix that feeling keep up with it
says:
It’s a nice break I bet… to not think about food. I get that. I prefer using that head space for other things… something about the sugar just leads us to wanting more and thinking about it and thinking about it.
Great post.
says:
Girl, I love this. Love this.
I love that you look at your patterns. And that you recognize your patterns. And you take steps to fix them. To remove the pattern. And I am very proud of you.
I love that you’re talking about you. You’re not telling anyone how awesome they’ll feel if they follow your plan. You’re just talking about you. And I adore it.
Your thinking is why I don’t bring packaged sweets into my house. Why I don’t eat fast food. Because it’s about removing the choices that we can’t handle. It’s about making the hard decisions before the situation even comes up.
So well said. Again, I am very proud of you. And this video wasn’t awkward at all.
says:
Hello I’m a new reader to your blog and I really enjoyed this video. I agree with the other comments- sugar does have an addictive quality – or rather, the peak and crash it causes in our body is a very hard cycle to break. Giving up sugar completely is self compassionate, i’m cheering for you!
All of the weight struggles aside, you really an intelligent and beautiful young woman.
Tink
says:
Good job! Like one of the other comments said above, it is awesome that you are figuring out your patterns. You can’t figure out how to solve a problem without figuring out its cause, I think.
Jessica
says:
It’s great seeing you and getting to listen to you talk. It really reminds me that I’m not alone in this struggle. Keep it up!
says:
Great video! You are darling! I am so glad you are feeling good about it. I admire what you are doing.
says:
This video is great. You come across as so authentic and it feels like listening to a good girlfriend. I hope you continue the videos – I think they will absolutely bring you even more success because you are connecting with your fans on a whole new level.
In regards to the sugar: The longest I have been off sugar is 2 weeks and like you I felt cravings just disappear. Unfortunately I thought that because I did not have cravings that I was safe to eat a sweet and I was totally wrong. Having the one sweet spiraled out of control – I imagine that is what a drug addict must feel like. And speaking of drug addict; I recently read “The Kind Diet” and Alicia talks about how sugar really, truly is a drug that we should take seriously. Give it a read – I think you will find it interesting.
says:
I’m a night-time eater trying to find alternatives to snacking when the munchies hit…I opened up your blog, and enjoyed watching your first video post— in fact, I’ll prolly be able to actually pass the kitchen on the way to bed without grabbing something to put in my mouth…so, thanks. You know, I stopped drinking alcohol on June 1, 1999. Cold turkey. All or nothing, and leaving it out of my life is SO much easier than managing food issues, because– while one can easily live well without a good chardonnay (although I wondered for awhile if this was a myth!)– we obviously can’t go “all or nothing” with food. People nod sagely and say “Moderation in all things,” but sometimes that’s not true. Here’s to Sugarless Day 18.
says:
Very inspiring video. And you are so beautiful. I need to consider a real break from sugar, as I know it is my downfall also. And you are so right about it leading to just general overeating of everything. Because the sugar gets me started and then it’s just a downward spiral. Thanks for getting me to think about it. I’ve been really struggling since the holidays and most of those treats have been sugary.
says:
Girl, you’re super cute.
I think it’s awesome (AWESOME) that you’re doing this. Haters be damned. You know what works (and doesn’t work) for you. I think this sugar detox is gonna be HUGE. I’m excited to see what happens.
says:
Enjoyed listening to your post. Very honest.
Agree with so much you said about sugar, so much so that that you have inspired me.
I am trying to not eat it, starting today. And it’s now past lunchtime and haven’t had anything, this is the first time in weeks!
I know it probably won’t last very long but it will make me think more about its effects.
But even if I slip up I can still go on trying not to eat it.
Think you have hit on something very valid as it is super hard to just have one chocolate, cookie piece of cake and it really is easier not to have one.
says:
First of all, your voice is so sweet and I just wanted to hug you bc of your sweet voice! There was just a sense of honesty that I loved about this video.
Secondly, I started reading you bc of Miranda and Krissie and have found that you are so relatable for me.
Sweets are my weakness as well. It is nearly impossible for me to just have a cookie. I am with you on the dozen. I use to get one of those 12 packs of powdered,cinnamon and plain donuts and sit in my car and eat until I honestly thought I could vomit. It was stress and lonliness, i think, that encouraged that behavior, So I get it. I also totally believe that food of any sort can be an addiction. It may be in the form of anorexia or over eating, but it is all very similar.
I lost about 50lbs five years ago on WW and have been doing it ever since, so while I don’t know exactly what you are going through, 50lbs or 5lbs, the mental challenges are much the same.
says:
Lorrie you are so cute! I love this video post. And I appreciate the no sugar update. It was really, really hard for me to give that up too but I know you can do it! And enjoy that cake on your birthday!
Just keep doing the things that you really love and surround yourself with people who really love you, and take it a day at a time. I think that’s the best we can all do.
says:
I’m so glad I found your site. Having just started a weight loss blog of my own, it’s so refreshing to see how honest and open and brave you are!!!
says:
It’s really nice to actually see you and hear your voice love the video. It’s truly amazing to hear your honesty about your eating issues as many people can relate as do I but not many people will open up and talk about it. Love your blog!
says:
You are so brave. I really respect what you are doing.
I was you 18 months ago. I broke the cycle of sugar addiction and compulsion as much as I believe it can be broken. I tried many times to go cold turkey on sugar and I did that for months at a time, but never for long enough. Until I finally started feeding myself truly whole highly nutritious food (mostly plants). I also was lucky enought to read a book about the differences between how thin people think and how overweight people think. Boy was that eye-opening!!!!!
Long story short, I’m thin and healthy and happy now. It took work. It’s pretty normal now. I exercise regularly. I eat a plant strong diet. I don’t obsess about sugar. I rarely overeat. IT IS A MIRACLE!!!!
I wish you ALL THE BEST and I hope that you find your way. My heart goes out to you.
says:
As soon as I started watching my diet I noticed sugar cravings were Mostly Mental! I didn’t want a snickers, I was used to wanting a snickers.
As long as I was nourished (veggies, fruits, vitamins) I didn’t need sugar anymore.
I would reach for the snickers, and realize, I’m not even hungry. Knowing this and remembering it in the moment is half the battle.
says:
I noticed how honest you are. You also seem very comfortable with being honest. It shows progress in your growth to be all that you were designed to be.
I believe we are designed to be free and not be in bondage to anything. Let us walk in that direction.
God is good
Keep seeking Truth
Love, vee
says:
I’m a new reader of your blog and this video post was something that I needed to hear today. I had the kind of sugar overload day you described and your approach has given me something to consider as a possible option. Thank you and keep up the great work!
says:
Oh, I related so much to this! But that’s why I love ya, because you are extremely relate-able.
I know you’ve read The End of Overeating so you know how much sugar triggers us. That’s why I really try to stick to the none at all, versus, I’ll just allow myself one. And I do for it for exactly the reason you mentioned: one is never enough! Because it’s a damn trigger!
Carbs are also a trigger for me but you basically have to have some carbs in your diet and carbs can be good if you are exercising a lot, choose better carbs, etc. You don’t have to have sugar in a diet and that’s why I love this journey you’ve taken. Your body will not miss out on any nourishment or fuel by not eating sugar so it makes perfect sense.
In a non-sugar aside, LOVE the perfectly manicured brows. I am obsessive about brows so I always notice them
says:
Go girl. I really enjoyed listening and reading your stuff. I am 43 years old and looking to get back in shape. I only have about 20 lbs to lose but it feels like 100. My niece has about 120 lbs to lose. I am passing your webcast on to her. You are so real and genuine! Thanks for being so vulerable. Keep it up. I am doing the no sugar thing with you . I am on Day 5!!!! Good luck.
says:
Hey Lorrie,
The video was great. Honest and open. I’m with you on the one leads to a dozen thing. It’s hard to admit our food issues out loud. Somehow, if you don’t say it, then it doesn’t count. I’m breaking my morning fast food habit. If I don’t eat, I don’t crave it.
says:
Dear Lorrie, When I found your blog, and saw your video, it was a godsend. I’m considerably older than you but I’ve had this struggle with sugar all of my life, so I can really relate. In fact I started this new year with the resolution to withdraw from sugar starting this week. I’m eating a lot of honey crisp apples (which I’ve been able to find at Shopper’s and Walmart) about 30 min after normal meals when I start craving my sweets, and also at night. I’m a TV snacker and the apples have been a real help in that area too. When you say only 17 days, 17 days seems to me like a real victory. I believe sugar is an addiction similar to alcohol. My brothers are both alcoholics and I am a sugar freak. Science will tell you that sugar is processed in the body much like alcohol, so don’t sell yourself short for 17 days of victory because that’s a great accomplishment, and you are an inspiration to me. I hope we can continue to communicate because I’ve gone down this road at least 3x before, losing 30 to 50 lbs and sweets have always been what stands between me and keeping it off of me. I started this year at 196.5 and I’m 5′4+ Just cutting out sugar and doing two 15 min stints on the treadmill has brought me down to 189.5 in less than a wk. But when I saw your video about sugar, I had to let you know that there are many of us out here sharing the same challenge. Sugar isn’t really the enemy, it’s our ability to control it. Have a Happy Birthday, and stay true to yourself!
says:
Great video! I love your honesty and openness.
It sounds like you have made a commitment to your new journey but at the same time you are not expecting perfection, that is why I think you will be successful. You are such an inspiration! Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
says:
I just found your blog. I am currently at around 260 and I am 24 years old. I felt like what so much of you said hit home with me. I am the same way with the ‘oh I can have just one, well it won’t hurt to have two, then ten’. It’s a shameful thing I live with and keep from my loved ones. I cannot wait to read more of your blog, I have only seen the video and I can tell I’m already going to be hooked. Thank you for giving me a little hope.
says:
I totally know what you mean. It’s sugar that always ends up doing me in in the end. I do the same thing where I decide I can have one cookie or whatever it may be and then it turns in to five, six, seven…..cookies. I have decided to just completely give up sugar unless it is natural, like in fruit. It’s just better for me that way and after a couple weeks, I’m finding I totally don’t miss it.
says:
Short tiime reader; first time commenter!
Just wanted to say how much enjoy your blog that your issues with sugar sound just like mine. When I am on sugar I binge, the hiding food eating it in secret till you want to vomit kind. I can’t moderate my sugar intake because once I get a little it does become an obsession. It’s all I can think about. I have gone weeks with sweets only to allow myself one little piece of candy or cake, pow! Next thing I know I’m at the store stocking up for another binge.
Today, I had a bit of a set-back, just a little because tomorrow is a new day, when I realized at breakfast the pumpkin puree I bought for my yogurt was actually pumpkin pie filling… but it’s what I had it had cost money, so I used it anyway. You can imagine where this ended up. I was fine at first, but during the day the sweetness crawled all over me, constantly reminding me how delicious it was, I ended up eating the rest of it this evening – I even started in on it while dinner was cooking. That’s pretty much a whole pumpkin pie in a day, just without the crust. Oh well, I have a headache to show for it at least it’s not around to tempt me any more_
Anyhoo, thanks for sharing good luck! Seventeen days is awesome!
says:
Hi there,
I appreciate this blog so much. It helps to validate my issues with food.
I find that if I have sugar, it sets the tone for the entire day. I can never only just have 1 cookie or 1 piece of cake. Also, when I eat sugar, I notice I’m never satisfied. It’s like I have this hunger that never gets satieted.
I too, am trying to give it up. So far, unsuccessfully, as I’m sitting here drinking my latte as we speak. Congratulations on 17 days! Thank you for this blog.
says:
Hi Lorrie!
I love your honesty and your ability to recognize your personal weaknesses. You are indeed an inspiration to me. Plus, I think you are so pretty. Thank you for the post! Happy New year!
says:
love this video.. hope to see more. great topic!
says:
I once tried Sugar Busters/which is basically no/low sugar and you subsitute all white things with brown. Like Whole Wheat noodles ect. but I totally felt the same way you did. So in control, my thoughts didn’t revolve around my next fix. ha ha. I never felt better in my life. Now if I could of just held onto it. I started craving things like the crunch of cereal, or chips. If I had held on and put more thought into satisfying that I would still be on it and feel great. Good luck to you and thank you for being so honest with us. We are all trying to figure out what works best for us.
says:
Hi,
I just watched your video, and I completely agree with you. No matter what I do, it is always the sugar that gets me. In brownies, in cereals, in cookies (oh, god, especially cookies), in chocolate, in pies, cakes… I can never be satisfied with what “portion” of it should be. I have been successful at eliminating sugar in the short-term– like in 30 days stretches, but honestly, I don’t know if I could do it for a year, let alone for life.
Props to you and good luck!