Tag: Guilt

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General Weight Loss Tips

I Feel the Earth Move

Yesterday morning I woke up not feeling overly hungry. I had my usual glass of ice water and headed into work in the wee hours.

A couple of hours later the first thing I ate was a small bowl of Greek yogurt with Crofter’s blueberry spread, oats and peanuts.

Greek Yogurt Crofter's Blueberry Spread

This kept me full most of the afternoon.

And then there was an earthquake. A small one. I was in the living room with Josh talking when I said to him “why is our house shaking?” he went to check the laundry room to see if the washer was out of balance. No laundry. I stood at the window and said “this feels like an earthquake” but thought that was insane, because we live in Virginia, not California. It wasn’t for a good 30 minutes until we realized there was an earthquake. Surreal stuff. I was uneasy.

And then we had lunch. Which isn’t what I would call “health food”, but it was delicious and I genuinely hungry. The portions were not out of control either. I made a mini-goal at the beginning of the day that I would only eat when I was hungry, not overeat, and only eat what I truly love to eat.

A cheeseburger and sweet potato fries from a local drive-in. I was full for hours until about 11pm when I had a couple (3) of Wasa crackers with raw cheddar before bed. I also enjoyed 60 minutes of exercise in the evening.

Thoughts on the day:

I know that looking at my meals from an outside perspective someone would say “oh! you need more vegetables”  or “you shouldn’t eat red meat, buns, fries…” you get my point. But to me, right now, a successful day is not overeating. It’s eating when I’m truly hungry and stopping when I’m full. It’s owning and sharing what I’m actually eating, without worry of judgement. It’s eating what I want without all of the rules and guilt that I love placing on myself. I trust that some days I will order a salad instead of a burger, and others I will just want the burger. I want to own those choices and make them guilt free.

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General Weight Loss Tips

Done

This is me waving my white flag to the universe. I am done being sick. I’m tired of being sick. I’ve tried pretending that I’m not sick- showing up half-assed to meetings, my work, and everything else, but I’m not there. I’m half there. My body is present, but I’m not me.

I’m tired. I’m fatigued. I’m coughing. My ears are stopped up. My head is full. And I’m tired mostly, of being sick. I try very hard not to tweet “I’m sick. I feel like crap. I’m still coughing.” even though sometimes I want nothing more than to curl up on the couch with blankets, the remote and a cup of hot tea. Guilt free.

I want a break from responsibility, my to-do lists, I want to check-out and sleep. But, I can’t, because people depend on me and I have deadlines. But, like my last posts said, I’m done with over extending myself. With stress. With piling more stuff on my plate. I know, deep-down that this sickness is my body forcing me to slow down. And I’m fighting it tooth and nail. Because I just want to go, go, go.

Here is one of the books I’m reading:

And it’s speaking to me. Because I don’t want to be sick anymore, and because I don’t want to be depressed, and I really don’t want to be sick down the road. If I’m annoyed at a seven week cough, I just don’t know how I’d handle diabetis, cancer or heart disease. I’d check out.

So I’m going on a special “diet”, I’m trying this out for a month.  I say diet loosely because this isn’t all about weight loss. And it’s not about eating anything I don’t like to eat. It’s about eat less of the stuff that I know makes me sick. Weight loss is a perk, I won’t lie, but I just want to be well. I want to feel well and be less sick.

Time to go grocery shopping…

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Lost

Tomorrow we enter week eight of Insanity. This week we took a couple extra days off  and I think it’s been a nice recovery. Guilt free. We’ve got two more weeks of the program before we start another 9-week cycle. Yup, we’re doing it again.

The last four weeks of the program are killer and much harder than the already hard first four weeks so I look forward to revisiting what i couldn’t do and hopefully finding myself doing it.

Like I mentioned before I haven’t lost a ton of weight and that is not at the fault of the program but instead my lack of focused eating. And that’s fine with me. I’m gratful for this path I’m on with exercise and happy with my accomplishments thus far.

I know that with continued planning and focus on food intake plus insanity will yield more results. I will say though that I’m losing about a pound a week on average. Which isn’t a lot. The old me would have been disappointed and given up. But really, the truth is, that is 56 pounds a year. I would like to tack on more to that loss and truly believe I will. The time is going to pass regardless if I exercise or not. The past two years went by and I did not lose 56 pounds. And maybe it’s because I wanted it to happen over night?

Josh is looking much more fit and toned and my middle waist area is narrower. Clothes are fitting better and I’m starting to fit back into the pants that were too tight in January. I have no complaints at the moment, or any deep thoughts. I just feel like I’m doing what I need to do to be a healthier person.

I

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