Happy Easter!!
I bring this photo to you as a gift. It’s pretty cute, right? Please note the socks with sandals! There was a little packet of seeds sewn in a plastic pocket on the leg of this outfit. I remember wanting to get it out soo freakin’ bad! My mom’s note about this picture “I was so worried about your ears”. Luckily, I now have a large head to match.
I’m spending Easter weekend with my family, which means I got to do some deep discount shopping at Gabriel Brothers (hello $4 cacique bra!), and a couple of slices of grape pie. Which reminds me…
During our visit to Pies n’ Pints (in Charleston) me and Josh were seated, he was facing in towards me and I was facing out. Our waitress who could only see my husband’s very curly hair, but not his face, says to us “Can I get you ladies something to drink?” I laughed hard, like hand clapping, tears streaming down my face for a good five minutes. I’m laughing now as I type this. Bless him and his curly hair.
This morning I’m making a pineapple upside down cake, either using this recipe or this one. This cake always seems so kitschy, 1950’s to me, which is even more reason to make it!
Today I worked out a little personal “blogging manifesto”. I’ve had trouble blogging these past couple of weeks, a phase that I’ve encountered frequently in the past six years. Sometimes it means I’ve fallen off the ol’ wagon, while other times it just means I don’t know what to share. And lately it’s the latter. I’m doing good, very good in fact. Publicly announcing that I’m leaving obesity behind for my 30th birthday in a year is a lot of motivation for me. But sometimes I don’t know how to share my story.
And then I realized that it’s because I still struggle with my voice and letting it shine no matter what other people think. I get a lot of emails from people asking me about blogging and sometimes I just don’t feel like I can give that kind of advice. But, from experience, I would say more than anything, do what feels right for you, not what you feel like you should do.
I rarely get negative or preachy comments, but when I do they make me retreat. They sting because my blog is a part of me, and it reflects some small portion of who I am. If I showed everything, I don’t think I’d make it out alive. I’m sure I’d crawl in a hole and never come out again. What would people think if they knew I had an Arby’s sandwich on the road to WV? All that processed meat, white flour bun and *gasp* at a fast food restaurant!??!
What would they think if they knew that I work in my pajamas and spend the day designing right on my couch? That I almost always have a sink full of dirty dishes? What will they say when I tell them that I never eat low-fat dairy? And in fact, I find it completely offensive and disgusting? That occasionally I choose white over wheat pasta? Or that I sometimes put too many toppings on my frozen yogurt? What would be left when I showed the truth, that looks so similar to the truth of other people , especially when people were seeking a higher ground with me?
My blog is not a refuge or an escape. This is not the place for perfection or noble eating. I have no desire to “one-up” anyone with morals, ethical or clean eating. I try not to place my judgement on others, virtual or not because people and lives are more complex than any opinion I could ever dream up.
I write all of this to say that, I’m giving myself permission to be whoever it is I choose to be today. To celebrate that person, her life and all of the happiness it holds every day. And I hope you will too. I’m giving myself permission to share my life virtually (and in real life) regardless of the words others bring to my little space on the internet. Regardless of what I assume they are thinking, but usually aren’t. There is nothing you can say to me that I don’t already know about myself. No bits of wisdom that I haven’t already lost sleep over.
I won’t allow my blog to translate into my interactions with people in real-life, because the truth is, nobody is thinking that much about me. No one is losing sleep over my bad habits or inconsistencies. I’ve found myself heading down that path recently and it’s not pretty.
This life is just too damn short to make apologies to other people for living a full life or making a lot of mistakes. Am I wrong?
Anyway, that’s what the title “Spring Cleaning” means to me. Just celebrating my life and what I want to share and being proud of who I am and who I’m becoming. No apologies or justifications. My spring cleaning is about letting go of what I assume people are thinking about me. It’s about letting go of those who don’t want us to grow or change. Letting go of opinions or judgement.
I always like to say that there is no one I admire who hasn’t had negative words thrown at them. And I’m so thankful they kept going anyway. That they didn’t give up on their mission or fall off their path because someone called them out or stamped them with their opinion. We’ve all been on both sides.
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