Update: Sorry! Didn’t realize comments were closed. They are now open.
It’s getting close to the 24 hour point since I turned 28. I have no idea what this age means or symbolizes, but I thought I’d just write down some little tidbits of knowledge I’ve gained in my 28 years. Some of them I’m still working on while others I may change my mind about over time.
1. Essentially, most people have goodness in them. Growing up I used to see things black and white. Most kids do. People were either good or evil. What I’ve found and a hard lesson to learn is, is that we are all in this crazy game together. I think the internet allows us to easily hurt each other, but we are all people with feelings and homes and thoughts. Realizing that people are essentially good and seeking out goodness is a helpful perspective to have.
2. Women should support each other. I don’t mean this to sound ra-ra feministy- but, we really need to give each other a break. Accept that we are all changing and morphing. We need to be there for each other. Not judge our outfits, or the size of our waists, or how awesome our lives are in comparison. There is room for all of us to be the best version of ourselves.
3. Expectations are killer. I’ve realized that my biggest conflicts in life stem from having expectations that were beyond reason. Expectations in situations, food, stuff and most importantly people. I expect food to fill me up. I expect an outfit to make appear less fat. I expect that other people can read my mind. I expect all people are on the same page. I expect that an experience will be memorable. None of these things are true. I’m learning to let go of expectations in life.
4. When something negative happens, it’s not always a bad thing. When my first boyfriend broke up with me, or when those random guys didn’t like me enough. I internalized it- I thought it was the end of the world. I tried to change who I was because of it. What I didn’t realize was the amazing person just around the corner who I would end up marrying. Who would love me just as I am. What if I let those negative situations destroy me and what I thought I deserved? I could have settled for less. I was very close to settling for less. A lot of people settle for less because they are beat down by a negative situation. I’m learning that when something doesn’t work out as I had hoped- it’s not the end of the world, in fact, it’s often a hidden blessing.
5. Be picky about who you marry. Don’t marry someone because they are hot, or because it’s comfortable, or because it’s the next step. Marry them because you can’t be without them. Because you always have new things to talk about. Because you’re both on the same page. When you walk down the aisle with someone, don’t marry their potential. Who they might turn into. What life could be like when they change. We won’t always be young, and we won’t always have interesting days. But, the core of who we are rarely changes. Make sure you’re marrying someone on day one that you never want to change.
6. Food and stuff never solved a problem.
7. 30 minutes of dancing can change your outlook on life.
8. Do not live older or younger than your current age.
9. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth. The best line from Mad Men comes from Peggy who says “Always tell the truth, people will respect that.” “Don’t worry about the outcome.”
10. There is satisfaction in creating something with your hands. Making a recipe from scratch, watching the first sprouts from seeds pop up, learning to do something new. I’ve found deep satisfaction and fulfillment from doing things the hard way.
11. Cats are really good friends. They will cuddle with you when you’re sad or sick, they never talk back to you or make fun of you, they never judge you, they will sleep at the end of your bed and keep your feet warm, they will greet you at the door when you get home from work, and they will jump in your lap when you’re trying to do something important.
12. Don’t be ashamed of making money on your own. Sometimes I have felt incredible selfish for not wanting an office job, or unqualified to make money doing something I love doing. I think somewhere along the lines we are told that you can’t be happy with your work. I still struggle with this concept, but I believe that work doesn’t have to be miserable. Charge fairly for the work you do and stand by that, even if you don’t have a boss or a cubicle.
13. Expect more out of your job. Sometimes our expectations are too low. Did you know that the owner of Costco pays every employee at least $16 an hour? That the CEO only takes home roughly $300k (enough he says, to live comfortably on)? He expects more out of his employs and treats them with respect. In turn, his turn-over rate is low and his employees are extremely loyal. Did you know that Google feeds their employees every single day for free? They provide free child care, gym memberships and massages? And very generous vacation packages. These companies are thriving. Where you work is essentially where you live, I believe in having higher expectations.
14. Don’t get stuck in the drama of a every situation.
15. Don’t over analyse the foolish things people say. We’ve all said foolish things and hoped people would forget them.
16. Be kind. Be randomly kind without expectations. Do something nice for a hateful person. Do something nice for a kind person. Put kindness over being right. (This one is so hard for me!)
17. Eat good food. Know what good food is. I’ve some to realize that diet food is punishment. It tastes bad, and it is usually bad for you. I eat olive oil and butter. I eat food that is real and wholesome. I used to think that “eating well” meant eating whatever I wanted with wild abandon. This is not eating well.
18. Write it out. When I don’t understand my feelings, I just open up a fresh word doc. and start typing. I don’t worry about what I say. I don’t feel guilty about what comes out. I just let my thoughts flow out for 5 or 10 minutes. And then I hit delete. Somehow I feel better every time.
19. Exercise can change your life. I’ve been exercising for consistently for the past nine weeks. Something I’ve never done. I’ve found that I need it to cope with life. I am capable of much more than I ever thought. My body can move just like it was intended to. Not perfectly, not fast, not compared to athletes, but slowly, day by day I can move better.
20. Have fun. Have lots of fun. Why not? Having fun is not irresponsible.
21. Wherever you are, be there.
22. Treat everyone like they are already your friend.
23. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for that embarrassing thing you did when you were 12, of for not finishing something, for messing up, for not always knowing the right answers, or what to do. Forgive yourself for not always being graceful in hard situations. Move on.
24. Gratitude is not felt with words. I also deeply realize that you cannot be a victim and grateful at the same time.
25. Celebrate. Make time to celebrate all of the joys in life: birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, babies, graduations, taking the first step, finishing a task, taking a risk. Take time to make something special. Go all out. Go overboard. Make someone feel incredibly loved.
26. Wear your good clothes on Tuesdays.
27. Set new goals everyday. Check in with your goal from yesterday. Set really big goals and figure out how to make them happen.
28. It’s not settling to love yourself, just as you are, today. If you don’t like what you’re doing, how you’re reacting, what you’re wearing, who you’re with…make note and change it.
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