This week, I took a break. Normally, not being productive makes me antsy and depressed. This week, I allowed myself to take a step back and evaluate my direction. Like a lot of my friends I feel like I’m on the edge of something very positive and big in my life. But there is a part of my that is holding back, scared to take the leap. Scared to embrace where I’m going.
Part of that feeling is people. I worry a lot (too much) about how people see me and what my actions look like. I worry about sharing my goals and embracing what I really want. Will they think I’m reaching too high and being unrealistic? Will they think I don’t deserve it or didn’t properly earn my success? Will they misinterpret my actions?
And then I stop. Take a breath. And realize that this is mostly just me. It doesn’t matter so much if someone else doesn’t think I’m worthy of the effort, because I am.
I’m in an intention circle right now learning how to manifest my dreams. I have big dreams. Dreams that I don’t share with a lot of people and certainly not on this blog. But, I’m embracing them and trying to be more vocal. Some of my dreams startle me because I didn’t know I had them. Because they seem bigger than me. Do you ever feel that way?
Some of my dreams:
– I want to be a skilled graphic designer. I want people to hire me because they see my creativity and want it to reflect their business. I want to do it on my own terms. I want to create one of a kind work that makes people stop and admire. I want to push the envelope and myself. I want to get better. I want an etsy shop with ready-made design. I want to bring people into this creative business and train them.
– I want to pay off all my credit card and student loan debt by the time I’m 30.
– I want to use this blog to share my dreams, goals and inspiration. I want to inspire myself and those who stop by.
– I want to write a book about all of this.
– I want to start painting again. I want to illustrate and draw like I used to.
– I want to share my art in unconventional ways.
– I want to create art without the intention to sell it.
– I want to share my town with the world in a creative and thoughtful way.
– I want to empower and support the creative women in my life.
– I want to weigh less than 160 pounds before I get pregnant.
– I want to get pregnant before I’m 31-32. I’m 28 (29 in march)
– I want to create a successful lifestyle brand that is linked with my co-owned clothing company. I want to push the boundaries. I want to empower young, rural women in this process. I want to collabroate with creative minds. I want to provide well paying jobs to creative women in our area. I want to thrive within this business, creativity and monetarily.
– I want to go to Paris and walk for hours with my husband. I want to eat the best pastries and bread.
– I want to run a 5k in under 40 minutes.
– I want to be considered a beautiful woman inside and out.
– I want to live in a beautiful and creative space (that is organized and comfortable)
– I want to celebrate my life and learn to jot memories down. I want to have photos printed.
– I want to walk into any store and wear whatever I want.
– I want to be attractive and intelligent.
– I want to be a really good wife and a really good mom.
– I want to cherish my friends and family. I don’t want them to question how I feel.
– I want to stop worrying about the things that haven’t happened. I want to stop worrying about what I assume to be true.
– I want to take care of myself because I’m driven to do so. Because I cherish my life and my body. Not because it’s a plan. Not out of guilt. Not because I need to lose weight.
– I want to go back to school and finish my degree. But I don’t want to go into debt to make this happen. Or maybe I’ll just read a ton more and get really good and prove everyone wrong.
I’m allowing myself this week to breathe and take it all in. I have a lot of change in my life and I’m getting ready for it. I’m getting it now.
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I wrote an email to the people that are signed up for my 10 days of fitness program last week talking about my struggles with getting things done this January.