I had my first taste of what a normal day of eating could be like for me in the future. Yesterday was one of those days that had “balance” written all over it. And the elation I feel over something so simple, is hard to explain.
Balance over making the right choices, not over indulging, eating what I wanted, stopping when I was full, passing on dessert and being okay about it all. It feels normal to me. Just like breathing or sleeping, I want the ability to not feel guilty, moving on and not being consumed. None of that “tomorrow I will be better” stuff.
Here’s what I mean…
Yesterday morning I woke up and had two eggs fried in a little olive oil. Followed with my usual glasses of ice water. I was full and satisfied until a little after noon. It was exactly what I wanted. Just eggs.
When I came home I fought a small urge to eat out, but knew I had food at home to eat. I threw together a delicious salad filled with lettuce, feta, a whole avocado, chicken, salsa and onions. It was amazing, healthy, and cheap. I was also full.
When I got home around 4pm. I was faintly hungry so I ate a few unsalted peanuts to tide me over.
Knowing that I had friends coming over at 6:30 I threw together a quick goat cheese dip served with Mary’s Gone wheat free crackers. I ate a couple for quality control and out of hunger.
My friends arrived with a delicious array of food. I had a small slice of spanakopita made with kale, a lemon/poppy savory cheese muffin, a couple of wheat free crackers with goat cheese and habanero jelly. It was all delicious. I was hungry. I didn’t have dessert. I didn’t feel guilty for eating when I was genuinely hungry. And I didn’t mindlessly eat at the table or once everyone was gone. I didn’t even want to.
This on a day when I was slightly sleep deprived. Woke up at 5am to work. Then worked straight all day. But, I could handle my stress. The day didn’t gobble me up like I think they sometimes do. I didn’t feel a need to turn to food because I had a long day. And it’s weird to say that.
I calculated my calories for the day and was at around 1,400. Not bad. I also didn’t have the feeling of “well, I screwed up. Let’s eat!” that I normally default to. There was a brief concern that the dessert would be left with me, and I had a back up plan. I honestly didn’t want to eat it, I didn’t want to grogginess that comes with it.
I know all of this inner thought seems a little much for someone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about. And while I won’t be eating flour and sugar today because I did yesterday. It was nice to have my first taste of what it will be like to have days like that. To feel the balance. Normal. Not out of control. But I don’t totally trust it yet. Knowing when to stop.
I couldn’t help but think that this is how people do it. This is how they stay thin, lose weight, maintain…you get my point. It was a matter of playing my cards in a different way. It wasn’t all or nothing. It was a little of this and none of that and moving on.
And the weight is steadily coming off. I’m now down 9 pounds and it’s motivating me. Feeling good is motivating me even more. Knowing what the alternative is, is no longer appealing. The minutes of satisfaction from eating sweets and over eating does not make up for the hours of misery it causes. The bloat, the foggy head, the sickness. Not to mention all the stress that being obese causes in my life.
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