This is me waving my white flag to the universe. I am done being sick. I’m tired of being sick. I’ve tried pretending that I’m not sick- showing up half-assed to meetings, my work, and everything else, but I’m not there. I’m half there. My body is present, but I’m not me.
I’m tired. I’m fatigued. I’m coughing. My ears are stopped up. My head is full. And I’m tired mostly, of being sick. I try very hard not to tweet “I’m sick. I feel like crap. I’m still coughing.” even though sometimes I want nothing more than to curl up on the couch with blankets, the remote and a cup of hot tea. Guilt free.
I want a break from responsibility, my to-do lists, I want to check-out and sleep. But, I can’t, because people depend on me and I have deadlines. But, like my last posts said, I’m done with over extending myself. With stress. With piling more stuff on my plate. I know, deep-down that this sickness is my body forcing me to slow down. And I’m fighting it tooth and nail. Because I just want to go, go, go.
Here is one of the books I’m reading:
And it’s speaking to me. Because I don’t want to be sick anymore, and because I don’t want to be depressed, and I really don’t want to be sick down the road. If I’m annoyed at a seven week cough, I just don’t know how I’d handle diabetis, cancer or heart disease. I’d check out.
So I’m going on a special “diet”, I’m trying this out for a month. I say diet loosely because this isn’t all about weight loss. And it’s not about eating anything I don’t like to eat. It’s about eat less of the stuff that I know makes me sick. Weight loss is a perk, I won’t lie, but I just want to be well. I want to feel well and be less sick.
Time to go grocery shopping…