Tag: Dreams

The Power of Believing

I have to tell you the first word that comes to mind with this blog post is “shewweeee!” and it’s not even a real word, but it describes my life at the moment. I’m in the place right before a new chapter is about to unfold. The exciting, scary, gray area when you’re sure something fantastic is about to unfold, but you’re not even sure it’s real yet. I keep pinching myself.

Tomorrow is the first day with my new business partner/program manager. She has been a creative friend for well over a year now. We first bonded over making and selling jewelry and now we’re merging our talents. When I met her I knew we would one day work together. I didn’t know how or why, but it was a feeling that collaboration was inevitable. She will be working with me on design projects and a combined project 17 hours a week in my home office. Did I mentioned that she is a yoga instructor and a massage therapist on the side too?

I say all of this to say that a dream of mine is coming to life. I knew that I would eventually get to this point, these were thoughts that I put out in the universe many years ago. Probably while watching an episode of Designing Women, I’m sure of it. I wanted to own a business and work collaboratively with other creative women with lots of positive energy. I didn’t know the details, but I knew it was something I felt passionately about.

Tomorrow I will be able to say that I am a fully insured business owner with a project manager who works with me part-time. It’s insane. Truly crazy.

I believe in putting thoughts/dreams and goals into writing. I’ve been writing this goal every year since I was in my early 20’s. It didn’t happen over night and I had many experiences that lead me to this very beginning stage. It makes me believe that I’m slowly getting to a better place emotionally and physically. I trust that I’ll not always weigh close to 300 pounds. Just like I knew that I would some day own a business.

It’s not that I put these thoughts out in the universe, as I call it, without the work to get here, but it helped that I always believed I would bring myself to this path. All of the days, months and years of experience were leading up to this point. This is how I choose to look at my weight loss efforts. I know, and truly believe that one day I will wake up at a weight that is comfortable and healthy for my body. I know there will be a day when I step on a plane without anxiety of fitting in the seat or a day when I can be adventurous without worry of my weight.

When I was 15 years old I knew I would some day live in NYC. I didn’t know how I would get there or what I would do when I arrived, but I knew it was going to happen. And it did. Three years later, when I was 18, I met Josh on his way to the big apple. I also knew on that day ten years ago that I would one day marry him. I didn’t know how it would happen and I surely would not have expected all of the events that would unfold to get to this point, but I knew deep down that he would be my husband and it would be one of the best decisions I’d make.

So is there power in knowing? I can’t say for sure, but one day my next chapter will be that of a business owner who lost 150 pounds. I don’t just believe it, I know it.

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Perspective Projection

Do you ever wonder if who you are is directly related to your size? What if I went through high school as the skinny cheerleader or the girl who actually had a prom date? I was told awhile ago that the reason why I’m so “interesting” is because of my weight. I say interesting lightly because I can think of so many people who are way more interesting and informed than me. I would call myself…interested more than anything else.

I’m curious, I love to learn, I’m passionate, and I’m excited. Mostly. But, I surely wasn’t like this in highschool. I was like most girls- obsessed with boys (a borderline stalker), and crying about drama with friends. I watched every episode of Dawson’s Creek and loved driving in the car (music up, windows down) with my friends. I have all the notes to prove it. I wasn’t academic, I wasn’t into sports, I wasn’t artistic, I was pretty much average across the board. I’ve always had a creative streak, and the desire to learn everything, but as I grew up those desires were slightly burned out with the desire to fit in.

But then I went to college and realized it was better to be unique and interesting than to be like everyone else. Wanting to fit in, slowly became a thing I left in high school. My dreams became bigger, and my desire to learn and try something new grew. I did a lot in college, I found my way in nyc (by way of my now-husband) and I have interesting friends. I’m comfortable with who I am now more than any other time in my life, but I realized that I’m not comfortable accepting that I am who I am because of my weight. I’m not okay with discrediting who I’ve become with my weight.

I am who I am because I listen to my heart. I listen to my instincts. Because I trust my path. It’s not because I have to shop in the plus size section.

My point of this post, at least one of them, is that for a long time I believed this lie about myself. I believed I needed to be overweight to care about anything else besides my appearance. I truly believed only shallow people cared about how they looked. And then it hit me: this is not true at all. I have lots of friends, many of whom are healthy AND well rounded. They are more at home learning or creating than watching the latest reality drama. They are curious, thoughtful, and intelligent. It’s not just about caring about your appearance, it’s about caring about your health and there is absolutely nothing shallow about that.

When I brought this conversation up with Josh, we came to the conclusion that there are many uninteresting people who are fat and thin and everything in between. It has to do with where you’re willing to go in life, where you’re willing to take your dreams, if you listen to yourself, if you enjoy learning. Not the size of your dress, or pants, or whether or not you wear glasses.