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General Weight Loss Tips

Why It’s Personal

beetjuice Why Its Personal

Good morning! Can you tell beets made a special appearance in my juice today? I love the bright red color! Last night I did something that I always intend to do, but never actually do. I prepped all the vegetables so they would be ready for easy eating or cooking. I even prepared several sandwiches and boiled some eggs. I’m also working on a whole chicken and a big batch of brown rice and quinoa to eat on during the week. Why have I not done this before?

beetjuiceingredients Why Its Personal

I put everything for my juice in a plastic salad container last night so that this morning all I had to do was pull it out of the refrigerator, cut the apples, peel the lemon and start juice. I had juice and the juicer cleaned in less than five minutes. Why do these simple things in life make me feel so accomplished? I’ll never know.

I had this big(ish) post planned for today, that would go into the details of how things are going and what I’m doing and how I’m doing, but then I realized what better way to show than tell? I’m not the best at articulating things that seem abstract in my head.

But, to sum it up. After reading Brain Over Binge, I emailed the author, Kathryn Hansen. I’ve never emailed an author and wasn’t expecting a response, but sure enough, not long after my first email she replied. And then she replied again to another email filled with questions.

And while I was forming the questions and reading her response, I realized something totally and completely obvious: The process is personal.

Katheryn talks in-depth about her life post-binge. A life that is very similar to her normal eating patterns before she ever began dieting in her early teens which lead to anorexia and then bulimia (binge eating with extreme exercise). Kathryn knew about normal eating, she knew what it felt like and could call upon those feelings. Those feelings helped her to tell the difference between a binge urge and just a normal human urge to eat a little more, seconds or dessert. For her, snacking, eating without hunger and occasionally overeating are all normal. She’s also never been overweight or obese. Needing to lose weight complicates the process more for people like me.

And this is where my journey branches off.

I don’t know what it feels like to eat normally as a default. I know what it looks like and can identify what an acceptable portions is. I can recall hiding food at a very young age and because of this, I don’t have a lot of experience to draw upon to tell the difference between binge eating and “normal” eating. For me, eating without hunger, while normal on occasion for someone like Kathryn, signals to my brain that I’m in overeating mode. Eating seconds, eating between meals, and most importantly eating without hunger, all indicate that I’m off track. This thought process leads to overeating or binge eating.

For Kathryn, she has a hard time telling the difference between true hunger and urges. I don’t. I’m very aware of the difference between eating for true hunger and not. Eating without that true feeling of hunger, for me, is following my “lower voice”. That’s not to say this always isn’t the case or that there aren’t exceptions, but it’s just something I’m avoiding using Kathryn’s methods.

Occasionally people will say to me that I need to eat xyz or not eat xyz or that I need to eat several times throughout the day. And all I can say it, this is why it’s so important for me not to put what works for me onto other people. For me, eating a handful of cherries while making dinner is okay. Eating a handful of potato chips is not. Eating six meals a day because someone tells me a should, even though I’m not hungry, is not okay to me, only because it signals an urge to continue eating. Eating without hunger is like telling myself “you blew it! eat more!” And that’s my pattern.

Kathryn’s Response:

This is one of the reasons why I mentioned in my book that some people may want to use meal plans (and possibly consult a nutritionist) at first, if they truly feel like they don’t know how to eat normally without binge eating.  I didn’t give much advice directly to the reader (I primarily explained my own story and ideas) in the book because I’m not in a position to give specific medical advice, but that’s one thing I felt was important to include. You have to do what you think will be best for you, and if that includes no unplanned eating and/or no extra servings and/or no small snacks of less-than-healthy food; I think that makes sense. I referred to something similar to this in the last chapter of the book under the subheading “Bridge to Addiction Therapy,” saying that someone could get rid of all problematic foods for a while, then gradually add them back if they want them in their diet.  For you, you could avoid all non-hungry eating for a while, and then – when you feel more confident – gradually start giving yourself some more flexibility.

In my past, another slice of cake always signaled that I was out of control, or would soon be. Even if it was just another portion of something, I’ve always used that as an excuse to eat more. It seems that for me, when I eat when I’m not hungry, I’m giving myself a free pass to binge or to eat too much. This sort of black and white thinking is my pattern.

I’m in a place where I want to eat well because I’m trying to get a lot done. If food weighs me down or makes me feel bad, I become foggy and start putting things off.

Yesterday for example, was a good day of eating :

Woke up slight hungry so I ate a green apple and drank some coffee. I rarely drink coffee, but I followed the craving. A few hours later I ate a spinach salad with salsa, a couple of homemade corn chips crumbled on top, a little shredded turkey and a few cherry tomatoes.

I felt good, satisfied and full.

Around dinner time Josh took me out to Mexican where I had a few corn chips and we shared the chicken fajita dinner for one. I ate a small plate of the salad, guacamole, chicken and vegetables. I was full and satisfied.

And that’s one day, each day is different, but it was successful for me (emphasis one me) because 1) I didn’t overeat 2) I didn’t eat when I wasn’t truly hungry 3) I ate what my body wanted 4) I ate until satisfied and because of this I felt 1) clean 2) productive 3) healthy 4) satisfied.

Everyday is different. Some mornings I may wake up and just want a raw juice, while others nothing else will satisfy me like whole wheat toast, eggs and bacon. Other lunches may be a giant salad, or a burger or Indian food. Dinner may be sushi, or steamed vegetables, or a couple of slices of pizza. All of these decisions are okay with me. I feel good as long as I’m not eating too much.

For me, at this stage, eating without hunger, overeating and binge eating are all one in the same. They may look slightly different, but the root is very much the same. It’s how I can tell if the urge is a habit or a true need.

I want my food choices to be because they make me feel good. Raw juice and a turkey sandwich for breakfast this morning fuels me and makes me feel good. It’s not perfect. I’m not going to eat six meals a day just because it’s suggested or because it works for someone else.

The other balance is cooking and preparing food when I’m not actually hungry, in anticipation. I’m planning meals and having things ready to eat. I have a clear idea of what I want to eat and making it easily accessible is key.

So I’m curious, how is your journey different from mine? Does anything trigger old or bad habits for you?

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General Weight Loss Tips

New vs. Old Habits

Old habits die hard. I’m hearing this a lot, as well as replacing old habits with new habits. And finding it difficult to identify these bad habits is a process in and of itself. Sometimes I don’t even know it’s a habit, or that it’s keeping me from my goals.

A couple of days ago I went through the house and threw out food that could cause me to binge. I went through this whole mental process of thinking this is wasteful, I can handle small amounts, and is this really bad to have around? It’s hard for throw away perfectly good “food”, but I did anyway and I have another round to go. I have boxes of graham cracks leftover from gingerbread house building, and right now they aren’t tempting- I could care less about graham crackers, but I worry about what they could turn into. So I will give them away.

And now I’m thinking of tackling my sugar/brown sugar and flour reserves. I cook occasionally with sugar, but I know I can use honey instead. Not much can be done (of the overeating variety, for me) without sugar, so I will keep the flour. I’m actually having these thoughts, what could I easily turn into a dessert? If this can be a dessert, it should go. This is the thing with being able to bake, you can do it quickly and easily without much on hand.

Old habits for me, are thinking “I can handle this”, and in the moment I can, but eventually something will pop up and I’ll find myself making brownies in the microwave and wondering how that even happened. Steps A to B to eating are a blur to me and I’m left with brownie residue in a mug trying very hard to wash away the evidence.

I’m asking myself, how can I  replace these habits and old ways of thinking? It’s a challenge, it’s hard to question a behavior you’ve worked hard at protecting.

What habits are you trying to throw away?

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General Weight Loss Tips

The Gift

In the past week and two days, I’ve had something major happen. The desire to overeat, or eat for the wrong reasons is slowly disappearing. This is not the time to be cocky about my actions (I’ve been there), but at the very least thoughtful and aware of them. Fighting the urge to overeat, for me, is a task that has consumed me most of my life.

And yet, when I cut out the food that calls to me, the battle disappears. I know right now that I have a five pound bag of sugar in the pantry. Right next to the flour. I know that I have butter in the refrigerator and muffins in the freezer. It’s not that these things are bad or I think they are to blame. But, it’s nice to know that I can live in harmony with these things in my kitchen.

Knowing that I’m only 10 minutes away from freshly baked cookies or bread, does not consume because I know that I won’t be eating them. Or even making them for that matter. But to say sure, I’ll  have a couple. Which inevidebly turns into, go ahead and have a few. And finally, screw this, I’ll start over tomorrow. All the while wondering if any other human being has ever consumed 12 cookies in one sitting. Or an entire frozen pizza. Or cake or pie or a sweet apple crumble.

It’s nice not to be a contender in the tug of war that is me against whatever it is I’m trying not to overeat. Whatever concoction I can come up with in my kitchen when I just need a little something sweet. Because I’ve been good. Because I’ve had a hard day. Or because gosh darnit I deserve a little dessert.  A mug full of microwave cocoa, butter and sugar. I’ve done it, oh yes I have.  But, it’s never, or I should say rarely a little dessert for me. A little taste. A no thank you “it’s too rich for me”.  I have not tasted, I’ve consumed.

I’ve come to realize that I’ve been trying to lose weight wanting to be that person. Wanting to be the person who already fought and won. Wanting to be the person maintaning. Figuring it out. Having a little something on the weekends, but still watching. I wanted to skip these steps of saying no or realizing that I can in fact live without so much sugar, and so much flour and so many potatoes. I can still find comfort and contentment in roasted vegetables and chicken, Indian curries and sauces, fluffy brown rice, sticky ribs right off the grill or crisp apples dipped in almond butter.

But I know that I need a game plan for the day that I do eat a little sugar or warm bread dipped in olive oil, or a pizza right out of the brick oven. Those days are inevitable. But they don’t have to derail or consume me. Overeating doesn’t always have to be my default. Overeating does not define me. I’m not pretending this day will not come. There is no guilt in the pleasure of food. In savoring and indulging for a special occasion. I’m okay with that day down the road. But I’m so happy to be on this current road.

A road where I don’t have to decide not to have a snack of nuts because they have too many calories. Or a day where I’m not measuring out portions of salad dressing and chicken. Because I know, that these are not foods I punish myself with. When I’ve had enough I simply stop.

I don’t have to be maddening about this at all, and I love that. I love for food, on most days, to be an after thought. I want to be consumed with my work, my latest project, writing, creating intricate jewelry. I want my days to be filled with walks or jogs. I want them to be filled with sweat from dancing. I am excited to have tasted the freedom, the freedom of getting wrapped up in anything and everything that doesn’t revolve around food.

Taking care of myself, I’ve realized, is not sacrifice. It’s a little gift that I give to myself every single day. The gift that used to be food is now replaced with life.

 

 

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