This week flew by! I kept up with taking food photos, but had a hard time coming here to make an actual post. This week successful in a few ways: I tracked all of my food, I lost seven pounds, I exercised, I got a lot of work done. And then not so successful because I just felt bad about myself all week. I know it is most likely hormone related depression, but it’s awful to feel bad emotionally.
I go in and out of clarity and that feel good feeling that suddenly, without warning goes away. All I can do is just ride it out. I have very mellow dramatic thoughts in days like this so I know it’s better for me to just stay away from most forms of social communication where all I want to do is whine and be passive aggressive. Social media can be lonely especially when you feel ignored or that your life is summed up in 140 characters.
I really want to get out of social media as my main means of keeping up with people. On the other hand I enjoy sharing projects, blog and stuff I’m working on. I just sometimes feel like when I’m away from twitter, I lose touch. And it shouldn’t be that way, I didn’t even know what twitter was until recently- and now it’s my main source of communication with far too many people. There isn’t a lot that feels good about twitter and I haven’t read much that contributes positively to my life.
I have a friend who doesn’t use social media in any way. She has two businesses that run on word of mouth and when we want to catch up? We meet for lunch, email or call. We do this about once a week, and it’s refreshing not to have our relationship hanging in the balance of tweets. Call it old fashioned, but it’s a way less complicated friendship. We aren’t annoyed by the tweets of each other, or judging what the other has said, or reading into every menial thought or complaint the other has shared. I’m never worried that I didn’t congratulate her or acknowledge her in her latest tweets because I missed it. And I’m never sore with her because she never tweets me back, or interacts with me. We just have real communication, and it feels healthier.
I’m not saying twitter/facebook isn’t helpful, but I often feel left out of the swing of things. I don’t have a boring job and I’m not wishing the days away until the weekend (omg! TGIF!!!) with my thoughts on twitter. Most days I have nothing witty, funny or smart to say. I don’t want my interaction on twitter to be my only interaction with friends. When I tweet it’s usually about an interesting article I’ve read, or that I’ve updated my blog, or that I have jewelry to sell, or that I exercised. Everything else is just noise to me.
Because I don’t share every detail of my life online (I know that’s hard to believe) I get that feeling that people are suspicious of me. That they feel they don’t know the real me. And it’s true. This isn’t the whole of me, I don’t share every single project I’m working on, every single thing my husband or cats do, every time I leave the house, every thing I’m involved in- because really…who cares? I would bore myself with it all and I suspect others would be too. And when I do share something I’m excited about…no one does care. And that’s okay. Because there comes a point when we all start thinking things about each other that we normally wouldn’t think in a real relationship: okay, we get it, you’re awesome. everything you touch turns to gold. you’re a goddess and totally rocking life. we all want to be like you.
Celebration on twitter often feels like bragging. And then I realize that sometimes my self-worth, my likability hangs in 140 character. And that is not acceptable.
I feel like twitter has become a place tell anyone all of the random thoughts we have throughout the day. You’re sick again, your knee hurts, you hate your job/co-workers/boss, there is a spider on your desk, you hated some movie or tv show, you are having a shitty day, but wait, it’s awesome again(!). It just feels like uncontrolled mind noise, not moving forward, but backwards. I say all of this to say, that I am backing away from using social media as a way to keep up with people. I like email, I sometimes don’t mind a call or even a text, and planning for the next time we see each other.
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