Tag: Struggle

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General Weight Loss Tips

Living By My Mission

Figuring out what I want is key. Any time that familiar voice tells me “Well you could eat a pint of ice cream. No one would know. You could just start over tomorrow. You deserve it.” I have a back up plan, and that plan is my mission. My mission is to do what is good for me, not what I think I deserve momentarily.

Binge eating takes me away from my mission. My mission is to be the best version of myself every day. To be present and engaged, to create, to be good to myself and my husband, to be good to others, to spread and share creativity and hope.

When I eat too much I can’t participate. I can’t be there for myself or anyone else. I have no energy, no hope, and no will to create or follow through with my mission. Food in excess robs me of time and I’m a firm believer that time is the most precious thing we have. How I spend that time is crucial. Not seeking perfection, but giving myself the best possible chance.

The struggle these past couple of weeks is knowing the difference between binge eating and frequent vs. occasional overeating. And being okay with this part of the journey which has not been completely effortless. But, I trust it eventually will be.

When I’m challenged I do two things. One, I realize that my desire to eat too much is just that, a desire. Acting on that desire means nothing more than getting out of the discomfort of having the urge. I don’t force it away, I just sit with it. I also remind myself of my mission and the decision becomes more clear. Binge eating (or even frequent overeating) is not apart of my mission and the bigger picture of what I want for myself.

Do you have a mission?

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And the Cycle Starts

If talk about PMS or hormones make you squeamish, you might want to skip this post because I’m about to lay it all out.

I have really bad PMS.

And I don’t think there are many women out there that talk about it. When I talk about PMS or period woes in general other women seem to give me a look that says “yeah? what’s new?” or a look that seems to say “deal with it” or “I can’t believe you’re complaining about PMS”.  Looks aside, I want to know that I’m not alone, so I write this here because sometimes when a doctor asks me why I have trouble with eating, I want to ask them…is there anything you can do about PMS?

And while I take full responsibilty for my actions. Food doesn’t just go from hand to mouth on it’s own- I find the forces of nature to be a huge struggle for me when it comes to weight loss.

Here’s what I mean…

You know that in the past two weeks I lost 10 pounds? I’ve documented my food on myfitnesspal.com and my thoughts here. For the past two weeks I’ve been indifferent to food. I took out the triggers and was seeing real results from it. I was going about my day working away at my desk and I would think “oh! I’m hungry. Time to eat…” and that was that. And then I’d go on without any obsessive thoughts about food.

And while taking out the triggers has helped (a lot) I can’t help but think that starting this new plan  during and right after my period made it that much easier. I was not battling hormones.

Here we are two weeks before my next period and I’m dealing with a strong desire to overeat. Part of me thinks “see this is what happens when you cut out delicious simple carbs! they come back and haunt you!” but I’m not and I wasn’t deprived. I eat what I want and what is delicious to me.

But this week, I want to eat everything in site. I’m bloated. I have feelings of hopelessness. I’m struggling with focus. I’m in the part of the cycle where it wouldn’t be just a taste of anything. One donut, or one slice of pizza would not satisfy me. It would need to be all or nothing.

And this is why losing weight is a struggle. For two weeks of the month, I could care less about food. I drop weight. 10 pounds is easy. And then hormone week stomps right on in. I’m retaining water. Before I know it I’m back up four pounds. And then I eat. And I’m back up another four pounds. And then I get sad and frustrated because yet again…I’ve lost and gained the same ten pounds– so then I eat. A day later I’m back right where I started. And this my friends, is my struggle. And I’ve never shared this portion of my issues.

For fear of advice, that “well, if you just did this…” or “if you weren’t doing that” or the “you’re doing it all wrong!” .

What I’ve decided to do is share. And that is right. I’ve also decided on an action plan. A two week action plan to get me through until I’m back to feeling normal about food.

It involves exercise, protein, fresh fruit and vegetables, plenty of sleep, journaling (lots of writing!), meditation and checking in with myself daily. I won’t let these two weeks derail my process. So what if I’m dealing with a little water bloat? It will go away and I will continue losing weight.

What I won’t do is bake, sneak around, or eat trigger foods. That’s the cycle.

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Do it Anyway

This poem by Mother Teresa has been on my mind lately…

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

I read this a few weeks ago and thought it was profound. It’s not directly related to weight loss, but I think we all worry too much about what other people think. We know people who will dissect every word and every action- do them anyway. I love that. Do it anyway. Take care of yourself regardless of what anyone may think. Find your own path.

Yesterday was another good day of food and exercise. I feel good that I’m building a little army of good days behind me. They will stand behind me on the days when I want to eat my weight in pizza. I will say that I’m glad I started this post PMS. It’s not a particularly unstressful time either, it’s just less of a struggle.

I realized this week that the hardest thing about eating less and counting calories is me. I had to get over my stubbornness, my unwillingness to admit that I needed to do this to lose weight. I had to arrive, yet again, to this conclusion on my own.

I’m eating anywhere from 1,200-1,700 calories a day and I’m not hungry- I thought I would be. I’m not deprived. I’m not unsatisfied. I’m not just eating salads and carrots-I’m eating what I truly want to eat. I’m full on less. And I think it’s important for me to remember this. That I can get by on less and I’ll be better for it.

Last night I really wanted to eat out. Even after having lunch out with a friend. I tried to use the excuse of chicken still being frozen. I kept going back and forth mentally and I knew, deep down, that if I ate out again I would go over my calories for the day. It’s so much easier to eat more quality food at home with less calories. When I’m in a restaurant I often find it too hard to stop eating the giant portions put in front of me.

And now on to yesterday’s food:

Quiche again. I ate about half of what you see here. And 6 oz. or so of orange juice. 363 Calories

Lamb burger from Natasha’s here in Floyd. So good! It felt pretty light to me, and was of course, very flavorful. I ate all of the burger and about half of the crisps. 650 calories

Chicken on mixed greens with cucumber, feta, bacon and vinaigrette dressing. About 400 calories.

Not pictured:

1 serving cashews- 160 calories

Glucosamine chews- 70 calories

Total calories: 1,643

Exercise: 45 minutes of Insanity Workout (400-500 calories)

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