You know what? Getting old is weird. Weird and confusing. I’d go as far to say that 28 is even more confusing than 18, if not more. At 18 I knew where I was headed: college. I knew what I wanted: to have a good time, to find a boyfriend, to hang out with my friends, to learn something new.

If someone had asked me when I was 18, what I thought 28 would look like, I’m not sure this would be it. And that’s not a bad thing. Really, I’m pleased as punch with where I’ve landed. I never would have seen Josh coming. A real living and breathing boyfriend. And a husband? What?  Or some time spent in a big city. Or even happiness and dare I say contenment in a smaller town than the one I grew up in.

I thought I’d be thin by now. I thought I might have a child or a fancy-pants-high-paying job.

But now, at 28 there aren’t clear-cut paths. There are so many unknowns, second-guesses and doubts that my head starts to spin the second my feet hit the ground in the morning. What will today be? Who will I be tomorrow? What will I look like in five years? Every single decision, step, choice is up to me. I never realized that at 18. I never realized that I was the deciding factor. I am the player in my own life.

At 28 I realize that my life is continually about self-improvement. And that’s where, mentally, I’ve been lately. Some days it’s hard for me to tell the difference between…am I crazy? wrong? right? justified? Or is it everyone else? Am I headed in the right direction?  Am I stuck? I’m always evaluated my last steps and planning for the next ones to come.

And I’ve come to finally realize that the big neon letters flashing in my background read: self-esteem. And my bank of self-esteem is low and is has been for a long time. I am understanding that my inner-critic makes life, decisions, relationships, conversations and pretty much everything much more complicated and difficult than it really is. I feel pain on a daily basis. Sometimes I can move forward and go along with the crowd pretending the voice inside me isn’t bringing me down.

The voice, my voice, tells me that I don’t deserve goodness. That I don’t deserve the effort. That I’m flawed. That I make too many mistakes. That I’ll fail again. That I won’t do it perfectly. And if you’ve been here, even for a little while, you’ll know how paralyzing it is. How much effort goes into defense and protection. How often I work to keep people away so they can’t hurt me. How fragile I really am.

And it’s all related. My issues with food and my self-worth go hand in hand. And I’m doing the work. I count my calories, I exercise and good things are happening. But, the elephant in the room is: this won’t last until I seriously work on my insides. Unless I love myself and trust myself. I have a lot of work to do in clearing out the voices, the doubt, the worry and every thought that tells me: you can’t do it.

Because I know, logically, I can. And I will. I just need to feel good enough to believe it. To silence the voice that tells me otherwise. A piece that fears feeling like I’m enough, isn’t going to be enough. There is a lot of love out there for me, I just have to let it in.

I started doing Jillian Michael’s Ripped in 30 and I couldn’t help but stare at the three women in the video (including Jillian, of course) and see bodies that were cared for. Strong, muscular, lean, fit women were staring back at me. And I wanted that. I admitted to wanting what they have. The self love and dedication that they each have for themselves (unapologetically) to feel and look the way they do. The pride they take in their bodies inspired me.

Looking like that does not have to come from self-hate or trying to live up to certain unattainable standards. I always thought it did. But, I’ve cleared out those thoughts enough to realize that it would be very hard to get to that point with negative self-talk. This isn’t about deprivation, thinness from starvation, or skipping meals, it’s about fitness and health. And I can see the difference now.

I can admit now to wanting that for myself. I do really want that. There is a part of me that fears that I will never look like that, and you know what? I won’t. But being fat and fearing never having a perfect body is no reason not to give myself the chance. To show up and give myself the opportunity for health and confidence. It would mean the world times a thousand to get to that point and to help other women just like me do the same. That’s what I really, truly, deep down want.

I save photos of women working out because it inspires me. I clip quotes and read them because they motivate me. I don’t want to be ashamed of this anymore. I don’t want to worry that others will think I’m (dare I say) shallow because I want to be physically fit and feel attractive. To be considered, hot even.

I want to bring that part of me here. The part that shares my inspiration, and is not ashamed to say: damnit, I’m doing this, either get on board or not. But mostly loving myself enough to actually make it happen.

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Jennifer Hudson after the weight loss

I have to say that I don’t often watch Oprah but today Jennifer Hudson was on and it was interesting to see many of the interesting spots. Oprah showed Jennifer Hudson’s journey from a bit flabby to fab  after losing 80 pounds. Jennifer Hudson also talked a lot about her life including the tragedy of the family murders that happened last year.

Jennifer Hudson Loses Along With Family

Just as we see with many families where one person is overweight the rest of the family was in the same spot and many of the Jennifer Hudson family lost weight. 75 of Jennifers friends joined her on the weight loss journey. Wow

Jennifer Hudson lost weight on Weight Watchers as a spokesperson for the company. I always think that this must be terrible pressure, lose weight and have people critique you while you are on TV commercials. It was funny too to see one of the commercial breaks have a Jenny Craig commercial.

Of course they had the bra fitting for the family. What is it with Oprah and proper bra fittings on the episodes? Being a guy maybe I will never understand but my wife gets it.

Also Tim Gunn was on and said that Jennifer was among the best dressed in Hollywood already before but now she is even more qualified to be best dressed with her new hot bod. Tim Gunn also redressed a bunch of family and friends on the show which was a crowd favorite

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Undoubtedly, the fat loss 4 idiots is a diet plans flourishing in the world that anyone can follow and enjoy and can see the benefits at the same time almost immediately. This is not really difficult to understand why this plan has worked flawlessly for all. Several factors why the fat loss 4 idiots is so successful because of its simple design making it easy to follow.
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  fat loss 4 idiots work because it teaches you how to use your metabolism for maximum eating the right foods at the time of the day and turning the food you want to eat. This technique helps keep your metabolism from getting used to a simple routine. His special software – menu generator – helps you make a list of delicious dishes of your choice you consume throughout the day.
  Paste it was not a difficult job to do because you'll never be hungry at all when you are on this diet since this allows you to eat your favorite foods until you feel your stomach is full. Following the treatment of food will not prevent you from having nutrition is necessary for your body to function normally and be in constant state of perfection.

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Saying anything about a drug, which has for decades obesity is just like showing light to torchbearer. 1959 was the year when Phentermine got approval from the FDA as an appetite suppressant. Since then it has been prescribed million of times in overweight and obese. If it was not providing benefits, it must have been useless so far, but there is no such thing. Phentermine is still in use, still prescribed by doctors, still consumed by obese and still eliminate obesity. What he says in his advocacy and reliability? Phentermine is a sympathomimetic drug: it stimulates the control region of the brain. Including hypothalamus many neurotransmitters under the influence of phentermine. The influence generates complacency and you are satisfied with small amounts of food. This effect is very beneficial in the treatment of obesity. Phentermine users never have to put any extra effort in weight loss. Weight loss is an automatic result of appetite suppression with Phentermine.
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